Dance Dance

Today, I finally decided to destroy the wall that I've had up for the past few weeks. After weeks of wallowing and depression, I felt the need to just get out there and do something with my life. So I called up a couple of friends and asked them if they would be interested in joining me for a hip hop dance class. I have always been some kind of frustrated dancer. Of course, I used to join dance competitions in high school and I thought I was the shit. But, growing up in a small town, with a graduating class of 36 students (we were the largest class in our school's history), anyone with rhythm was considered a "good dancer". I've always loved dancing. I'm not afraid to admit it. I enjoy letting the music take over my body. I think this is why I enjoy the club scene. There's something about music mixed with alcohol, that gets my body going.

Anyway, I've always wanted to join a hip hop dance class. Just for fun. Nothing serious. And it lands as #69 on my life list. Today, I got that opportunity. And it's not just some random dance class. I'm being taught by the number one dance crew in the country, the Philippine All-Stars. I was a little nervous at first, but mostly anxious. Would I be able to keep up? Would my lack of training hold me back? There were a lot of doubts in my head. But with the company of two of my friends, we decided "what the heck", let's do it. To be honest with you, choreography nowadays is nothing compared to how it was back in the day. So much movements goes into the steps. Intricate, that's the only way to describe it. You have to learn how to be fluid and just be. Of course, in a class full of strangers and expert dancers, I felt the need to hold back to save myself from embarrassment. After a while, I got the hang of it and decided I didn't care what other people thought. I'm pretty sure I was doing much better than the rest. I know I can perfect the choreography, if I just practice. I have 4 sessions left and I'm really excited about achieving one more item on my life list. We'll see how this goes.

But here's a video of me trying to dance. Ha.

Bedtime Stories

I'm sitting here, in complete darkness, thinking about where my life is going. I've taken a complete 180 from the person I used to be. This time last month, I was getting drunk nearly every night. And not just drunk, I was drinking myself into oblivion. And stupidly driving home. Sometimes, I wonder how I'm still alive. It's been a tough few weeks. Alcohol was something I thought I could never give up. Not only have I given up alcohol (for now), but I've also quit smoking. Kudos to me for that one. It doesn't even feel like it's been that long. But when you quit something you love, a few weeks seems like an eternity. What happened to me? Well, I know exactly what happened to me. I got taken advantage of and I almost died. Not ready to talk about the details just yet. One thing I am thankful for are my friends. Two of my girls helped me out of that nightmare. If it weren't for them, I could possibly not be here. I wouldn't say I regret what happened, I think that predicament woke me up. It made me realize that I can't keep running away from my issues by performing nightly alcohol binges. It wasn't helping me at all. And maybe in some skewed way, it was God's way of telling me to slow down. It's messed up. Sometimes, I secretly wish things didn't end the way they did. I should have just died. It sounds selfish, but it's true. I don't really matter to my family. They make me feel like I'm a huge inconvenience and I'm just sick and tired of it. If it weren't for my friends and my one and only nephew, I would have already swallowed all of my sleeping pills. It's difficult to deal with being unappreciated. But I just feel like that's what it's going to take for them to realize that I'm not a burden. I don't know how I feel anymore. It's hard to put into words.

Anyway, I can't write anymore. It's sad that I express my feelings more on this blog right now than I do to anyone. Yeah, my life sucks. Where is the bright side of it all? I'm looking forward to seeing that, if there is.

Wreck This Journal - Day 2

One of my favorite projects right now is something called "Wreck This Journal". I discovered this journal a few years back while I was shopping at Urban Outfitters in downtown Seattle. I didn't have enough cash that day nor did I want to card something so cheap so I decided that I would buy it another time. Well that time never came because I left Seattle and headed for Manila a few days later. I forgot the title and author, which eventually led me to forgetting about the journal all together. Until I thought about it last year. I searched for the book online and, thankfully, I found it on amazon.com. I asked my sister to buy me the book for my birthday and have it sent to me. It finally arrived a few months ago and although I started the book, I never really found any inspiration for it. So I put it away and told myself that I would do it when the time was right. Well, that time is now. I've never been so inspired to do something like this, ever. I'm not really an artistic person, nor do I appreciate the arts. But something inside of me is telling me that wrecking this journal is just what I need.

So I started it (again) last night. And I actually finished a few tasks. And here are some of the pages that I've done.

"Crack the spine"- this is actually my favorite page so far. I got a little creative and drew a spine cracking. And the blood effect is pretty awesome.



"Poke holes in this page using a pencil"- I actually poked this page when I first started this journal. It was just a page with holes. It looked completely boring so I scribbled some stuff around it using my markers. They kind of resemble flowers.


"Tear strips, rip it up!"- I love the look of this page. The colors just pop. I haven't gotten around to tearing the strips because it would make the journal bulky. And I like it too much to tear it up. But I'll get around to it.


"Fill this page with circles"- The vision I had of this page looked a lot better than it turned out. I couldn't find inspiration for circles so I just scribbled away. I like the colors but I just think it lacks creativity. I'll do the other page later, maybe it will make it better.


"Write/scribble something on the edges"- I really like this idea. It shows a lot of my personality without having to open the book. This is the only thing that people will see when the journal is closed, so I wanted to put my feelings out there. I live by these words and their importance. I didn't take a photo, but on the top edge of the journal, I wrote "MAKE PEACE" and on the bottom edge I wrote "BE HAPPY". It kind of shows what I'm feeling at this moment in my life. I'm trying to be more positive and trying to find happiness in life. Because I think life is too short, so enjoy it while you can.

#30 Bungy Jump Macau Tower--ACHIEVED

I know this blog is supposed to be about my journey of crossing items off my life list, but since I haven't gotten around to planning out how I'm going to financially support my journey, I thought it would be a good idea to show some of the previous items that I've accomplished from my list, so far.

#30 Bungy Jump Macau Tower


Bungy jumping. I'm sure it's on the list of a lot of people. It actually lands on my list twice. #2 on my list is bungy jump off the Auckland Bridge in New Zealand. For someone who is terrified of heights, I sure have a lot of heights-related items on my list. I've never really realized that I was afraid of heights because I'm a total adrenaline junkie. I love roller coasters, the higher and faster, the better. My fear of heights wasn't realized until I went wall climbing with my friends. It was at that moment, stuck at the top of the wall and not wanting to let go, that I realized I wasn't comfortable with heights.

I knew at the beginning of 2009 that I wanted to do something major for my birthday. I had been thinking about taking a trip out of the country and hinted my parents that I wanted to do some traveling for my 25th birthday. Eventually, my dad got the hint, and along with my two cousins who kept pushing him to pay for my trip to China, he happily agreed. It wasn't until we purchased our tickets that I realized that it was actually going to happen. It became official and I knew I had to prepare myself. This was no easy feat. After all, the bungy platform of the Macau Tower is the world's highest and has been recorded in the Guinness Book of World Records. Talk about "go big or go home".

I don't exactly know how I found the guts to actually do this, but believe me when I tell you, this was the most exhilarating moment of my life. I'm not going to lie, I was completely and utterly terrified once I was getting strapped in. There were so many emotions going through me and the only way I could control them was by breathing deeply and telling myself of how proud I would be after accomplishing such a task.



So there I was, standing on the edge of the world's highest bungy platform. With nothing but cables and cords wrapped around me. Just the thought of that moment makes me shiver to this day. The bungy staff tells me to look forward and after the countdown, to just lean forward and let my body fall. Easier said than done. They count "five, four, three, two, one"... I hesitate. Cursing my brains out. I couldn't do it. I was taken over by fear. I yell, "No, wait, wait. I'm not ready!" Then one of the workers whispers in my ear, "You can do this. You'll be proud of yourself, I promise. Just breathe and lean forward." And that's when I began to focus. This was something I needed to do. Something I wanted to accomplish. So they begin the countdown again, "five, four, three, two, one". I leaned forward and just let gravity take me.



It's difficult to explain how it felt, but let me tell you, there's no other feeling like it. It's about just letting go and being able to feel something completely different. It's weird looking back at it. At how terrified I was prior to the jump but afterwards, I felt a sense of accomplishment. There is a sense of empowerment that you feel once you've actually done it. It's such a quick change. From feeling a sense of fear to feeling a sense of empowerment. It's something I'm really proud of. So if you ever get the chance to do something extreme and out of your comfort zone, I suggest you do it. And although I still haven't gotten over my fear of heights, at least I still challenge it.

To New Beginnings

First blog entry ever. Let me begin by telling you a little about how this site came about. For the past few days I've been feeling very down. A lot of issues surfaced and it was a lot to deal with. And there were so many things running through my mind. Prior to this, I had experienced a series of unfortunate events. I'd rather not go into detail because I'm still a little traumatized, to be honest. Let's just say that I actually know how it feels to hit rock bottom. I complain a lot about how unfair my life is, but the truth is, my problems pale in comparison to others. Yeah, I deal with pressures from my family and we all have our own personal issues, but at the end of the day, I have far more to be thankful for.

Within this week, I strayed away from every one and every thing. Friends, cousins, sisters, and even my parents. I disconnected myself. I felt like I just needed to be alone. So that's what I did. The only thing I had was this new book that I've started to read. This book has really put a lot of things into perspective for me. I guess as I begin to learn more about blogging, I'll be able to be more open with sharing, but for now, I'd like to keep a little mystery.

So this is why I want to start a blog. I want to share my life with others. There is so much life to experience. I've been inspired to complete my life list. And this blog will serve as that. A documentation of me completing the things that I've always wanted to do in life. As time goes on, I'll share my life list. I'm still trying to think of a hundred things. As of now, I have 74 items on my list. I began writing my "bucket list" a few years ago after I graduated college. I was tired of always just having it in my mind. Every time I thought of something, I would say "I've always wanted to do that." And it was always just kept locked in my brain. Then I started writing everything down on an index card (which I still have, by the way). There were only 30 items on that list and most of them were too extreme. Out of reach, you may say. Then a little show on MTV called "The Buried Life" came along. And honestly, it's what inspired me to rewrite my list and include things that aren't too out of reach. So here I am, with 74 items and only 11 items crossed off. By physically writing it down on paper, it's a lot easier to actually complete. So wish me luck because I'm really excited to document it.

I've realized that life's too short to be miserable. Everyone encounters difficulties and obstacles and if it's too much for us to handle, we begin to think that nothing is worth it anymore. But that's a lie. And I'm learning that. I can't always keep everything bottled up inside. I need to let it out. And I guess you can say this is my form of venting. Maybe it'll help. Maybe it won't. Only time will tell. For now, I just want to love every minute I have left in this world.